Cranky Customer

The only effective way I have found to deal with junk callers is that I spend a few seconds pretending to be interested. Then, I quietly put the handset on the table, without hanging up, walk away, and proceed with my life. That wastes the maximum amount of the caller's time and the minimum amount of mine.

If I happen to be near the phone about a minute later, I pick up the phone just in time to hear the caller saying "Hello? Hello?". Then, I say "I'm sorry, I was distracted for a moment. Could you please go over that again?" Then, of course, I again put down the handset and walk away.

After a minute or two, the caller has given up, and I hang up. Wasting the maximum amount of their time gets me off calling lists very effectively, and it also expresses my feelings about them far better than overt expressions of anger.

I recognize the 'put the phone down and walk away' bit. What I used to do (before I gave up land lines for good) was to ask them to wait while I went to search for a pen and checkbook....

My two year old loves to talk on the phone. She will go on and on! When I get those calls I instantly give the phone to my daughter and tell her that the phone is for her. After a couple of minutes she gives me the phone back and tells me that they hung up. I don't think I've ever had a repeat caller and she has a great time!

Here's what I do if I happen to answer a junk call (usually I don't bother thanks to caller ID): As the caller begins the pitch, interrupt with, "Excuse me, the municipality where I live recently passed a law requiring that all telephone solicitors pay a 'Resident Access Fee' of $9.95 per call. Will you be putting that on Visa, Mastercard or Discover today?" This is usually greeted with a chuckle, during which I simply hang up. Or you can just keep repeating it over and over as necessary. They get the idea pretty quickly.

It is amazing how few calls I get from telemarketers since my stock answer has become "I never buy anything from or donate any money to any company or organization that calls me." When I make it clear that they have blown their chance at a sale or a donation just by dialing my number, even companies that can claim a "prior business relationship" get the message pretty quickly.

Try this one for laughs - when the callerID says something that looks spammy, answer the phone with something like this:

"Staff Sgt. Collins, my ID is 8344, this is a non-secure line. Authenticate Echo Tango"

When they start to say something, insist, "please authenticate Echo Tango immediately."

When they (obviously) can't respond with valid authentication codes, demand to know the name and address of the caller and where they got the phone number.

They will say something lame like "this is a customer's phone number" upon which you reply that it most certinaly is NOT a customer's phone number and if they call that number again they will face a Federal subpoena.

I've done this - it actually does work!

We get very few marketing or charitable solicitation calls any more since we went on the Do Not Call list. Since I'm retired and often have the time, if I'm feeling especially negative when one of those calls comes in I drag out my "interrogation" sheet and start asking the caller all types of personal questions. You'd be surprised how many of them will provide such information as full name, address, SSN, marital and family status, and more before realizing this is a put-on. I've had a couple of male callers get really angry but most just hang up.

My answering machine says "This is the Kelly residence. Please remember we never pick up the phone until we hear you speak. After the beep, please tell us your name, phone number, and why you called. Thank you. "
My anwering machine is the type where you hear the incoming call without having to pick up the phone.
I get telemarketers stupid enough to "sell" to the answering machine only about once a month. Lots and lots of hang-ups.
BTW I agree with a prior post - anyone so ethically challenged as to call a number on the do-not-call list has put themselves on my personal "Do No Business" list.

I just got off the phone with my satellite carrier company to change my credit card number. The agent had a lot of trouble finding my account number after going through all my phone numbers (there are three), so we tried last name. Seems to me that last names do not change as often as phone numbers. Maybe that would be a good first start point for future reference but this company has its own mysterious ways.

He said that there are a lot of people named like myself, and I responded that we are all in the witness protection program. I gave him the corporate address and the home address, and Eureka, he finally found me and said that I should copy down the account number for the future, maybe in case I want to play the lottery. He then said Q and mumbled on. I asked Q? He responded yeah, as in Corvette. I said that Corvette does not start with a Q. He said yeah, Q like in cute. I said that cute does not begin with Q. He said yeah, Q as in quite. Ah, wow, now we are getting someplace. I told him to write Corvette on the blackboard five times. He then gave me a case number that began with, yep, a Q, for future reference again. It will be a qold day in hell when I qall this qompany again.

I had a penny stock broker that called me all the time. I did not buy from him but he would not take no for an answer. The LAST time he called me to sell some stock I said "Hey that sounds like a great deal, Let me call my lawyer and ask if I can buy that". He asked me why I had to call my lawyer. I told him I had just filed for bankruptcy and did not know if I was allowed to buy stocks. He never called me again. Of course what I said to him was not true, but if he thought if he was calling someone that was broke I thought he would stop calling.